Friday, December 3, 2010

Little Red Sports Car...

Vroom Vroom

How do you journey through life? How do you actually live?  Are you living within the moment the hour, the month, the year – your life? Are you living your whole life at once, so much so that you’re not living at all…you don’t exist?....

That last question, yes that’s me.  Its a lot of us, not taking the present into account.  Now that the future lies before me as an open barren road, I worry whether I will be able to accomplish my life’s work and build the city of achievements that I envision for myself here in the landscape of my mind.  I don’t know where I want to build, still looking for that perfect plot, presently trodding through the desert caught in a sandstorm.  I can’t see….

In moments like these, these “transition phases”, you need to “embrace the creative process” as someone wise advised me the other day.  The GIANT question mark that’s following you around, you need to embrace that too.  NOT the fear associated with the question mark of “Will you be able”.  That should not even be a question.  No no, embrace the “What do you really want” question mark. What do you want your life’s work to be? I am trying.

I remember a 4th grade teacher saying once to my mom during a parent teach conference “She’s always in a rush.”  I never understood how he perceived that of me, what exactly I did where he observed this truth of my nature.  Years later this hand me down observation haunts me, and remains to be true.  My new years resolution is to SLOW DOWN…what’s the rush?

I was always proud about the way I am open and free, which while a quality to be admired as one gets older needs to be curbed to a degree at least initially.  There are certain things that come with time (or so I have been told), time is mysterious that way.  I finally get it now.  I finally understand!

What kind of car are you when it comes to your life? Presently I am a little red Porsche.  Thrilling I know, but the way I’ve been driving, its time I trade it in for something more calm more smooth…

Rather than admiring the qualities of others of focus and discipline thus their ability to drive better, its time I start to steer my life into the direction I want to take it toward. Contemplating on that direction…