There are so many things I want to work on, like my Ego. I hate when I catch myself being egotistical, at its truest form it’s really just insecurity. It is through this weed in the fertile field of the mind i.e. the ego that gives rise to other beautiful qualities like jealousy and anger – how lovely! But the problem is, to live here, on planet earth you need some form of it, its like no matter how hard you would like to shed it completely, you have no choice but to keep a thin layer on so you can survive here on this plane.Next is mental discipline and ability to focus. You see these two go hand in hand and without these you really can’t achieve anything; it really is making sure you have a well-oiled engine facilitate the achievement of your goals – your mind! It is where everything begins and ends. And as I have become older, somehow my machine has had a lot of garbage coming in, and not a lot going out, I desperately need to reboot and reprogram. These are my two main foci at present; the goal of writing is already manifesting itself with a little bit of discipline ;)
But overall my experience with Teacher Training (3 weekends completed so far for 200 RYT) has begun a much needed internal revolution within myself. Yes the philosophies are familiar, but the danger of familiarity is that we don’t see or appreciate all the details. Because I am learning all this in an unfamiliar manner and territory, so the material is from a fresh perspective, and direct sources – the Vedas, the Yoga sutras of Patanjali, the Upanishads…such ancient scriptures, I am in heaven being such a history buff. The entire experience is slowly allowing me to go after my negative patterns of thinking, one thought at a time, which makes my goals that much more achievable, I am cleaning my internal home.
I feel as though I am experimenting, like my entire body, this life, there is a science, and I am the scientist meant to study and understand and test out these hypotheses. I feel engaged; I feel a slow shift happening, a shift to a place of balance and equilibrium within myself…
3 comments:
Fellow Yogini in the (BECOMING) I'd like to say rather than (MAKING). Our real self is there, it's just a matter of peeling away the layers. Looks like you have begun your journey. Your entry inspired me to ask myself, when did I start to become a yogini? Thus, I went through some of my old blog entries, it seems the journey started long before I knew I was starting a journey.
The sharp turn was on this day...
http://liveoutloudeveryday.blogspot.com/2009/01/what-day.html
My life has changed since that blog entry.
I wish you love and light...just two things you need on the path to find yourself.
Its funny you say that you started your journey even before you realized it.....I am realizing just now that, that much needed going to the brink within, through the ugly things you've allowed your mind to grow inside you and cleaning them out....I'm there now... I knew I had to do it...and somehow I found myself in the midst of all my ugliness, much need detox is happing now... its rough...but its gonna feel oh soo good when the sun comes out again!
Loved your entry btw...I could feel the urgency, the shift, the wave that was just beginning to ripple in your mind, rippling into the eventual tsunami. It starts just like that..
But as far as making vs. becoming...I chose making because it takes alot of work and effort to truly travel this road back to the self...but becoming is right...remembering...we already there.. :)
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