Friday, July 13, 2012


This word came to me today.  At the very moment I decided not to stew over the angry waitress at Le Pain Quotiden on 18th and 7th ave. The moment I decided not to indulge in Channel Hatred, Resentment and Anger at the woman who was rude to me when I asked about why I hadn't been served.  The exact moment when I decided not to indulge any longer in thoughts of being the victim of this awful attitude, wondering if I had done anything to deserve it.

The Fact is, that we just need to have compassion towards eachother and ourselves.  I found that I often judge myself, judging is a little different from assessing, self reflecting.  Judging predisposing that you are not seperate from an action, that all actions are absolute, that we are not complex creatures, that we are not human full of "good" and "bad" that in fact there is no "good" and "bad".  Today I was reminded why I called my blog Anami, the nameless.  The nameless means no categories, no classifications, it means nothing in that NO THING, and by default ALL ENCOMPASSING.

I have somehow with the grace of the universe within me, turned on or activated this feeling of compassion.  I feel it radiating, spreading, like the sunrise's dawn rays of light slowly filling me up.  I feel compassion toward that woman on 18th street and 7th avenue.  I thank her for creating a circumstance where I could learn.  I feel compassion towards myself, for my ego that is still very much pressent, I accept that is there, and I do not judge it, I observe it in all its "glory". 

And this will be my attitude, my outlook, the lense at which I see people and this life as I set forth back into the world after I finish this posting.  It makes the circumstances we are faced with that much more trivial? I'm not sure if thats the right word, but I know that is how the universe is with us, compassionate of all our actions.  Often when another is suffering within, they know nothing else then to take it out on a another and so a rippling set of actions, i.e. reactions are created.  But we can be that rock, where that wave, chain of waved reactions can crash up against, making us softer smoother, but a rock none the less and unwavering in our compassion.

I recently did a healing meditation and I truly believe it is releasing so much of the negativity that was never useful to me, just garbage stuck in my heart, blocking me from loving truly unconditionally and in unattached manner. But I am learning.  We are all a work in progress, and we must accept that about OURSELVES, AND OTHERS. I found myself judging others and EXPECTING that they would judge me? How does that work?

There is so much in my heart right now, so many words, emotions that cannot be expressed, all that I can say is I am full, I am satisfied and content with observing this sense of compassion for all those around me and as a result myself.  We are not separate from one another, we are connected, through the unseen, revealed to some, and yet to be revealed to the others.  Just because you cannot see something doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

My life has changed drastically in these past almost two months.  And as I arrive on the eve of a two month anniversary I am thankful for my new circumstances, for the circumstances the universe made possible, it made room for me to pursue my dreams of entrepreneurship, of writing, and spiritual inquiry. And even if I "Fail" at all this, success is so relatives so subjective, success is not the point.  Its the pursuit, it is the pursuit of these things, with no result in mind that makes these pursuits so sweet. The ardent, sweet, loving, passionate pursuit.  

I know I said I'd do this 30 day challenge and write every day in my previous entries.  Well I didn't, I got to an average of about 3 days a week which I still am keeping up with.  The ironic thing is I think while just scratching the surface on that Journey of trying to find some inner peace through yoga, my heart opened up and well I couldn't lie to myself anymore.  The changes mentioned previously, were a direct result of my yoga practice, the realization of what I wanted and the need to pursue it all.  I learned to forgive myself and not judge those actions or "failures" as my mind would like to characterize them... And be open to the universes twists and turns.

I often think of the alchemist, it is a book that changed the course of my life at 23 and here I am at 28.  The slope of the line of my life was sharply changed that destined day in Bryant Park.  When I read the introduction of the Alchemist... it still changes everyday, to more accurate slope, the slope of my heart.