Sunday, January 2, 2011

...And the Film reel keeps rolling

Once my mind likes something it plays the movie of that experience over and over, like an addiction.  I become addicted to this idea and can’t seem to let go like an obsession. No matter that I have gone beyond taking pleasure in this idea or memory to somewhere dark, where the thought is almost mechanical..

A chair, a table, and screen.  Sterile walls, the room is empty. A projector sits on table as you sit on a the chair neither uncomfortable or comfortable.  There is no color, just a reel that reels forward projecting images before you onto a screen.  It is dark, the only light is the projector light. All that can be heard is the reel and your own breath.  On this screen you see images, images that have no sequence but somehow are familiar.  You have seen them somewhere else. 

The reel keeps reeling forward, images upon images, some evoke a mood of sadness, some happiness and others nothingness just memories, familiar experiences. It is unknown how much time has passed while in this room or even if there is a concept of time here.  Suddenly the reel has no more film, yet it keeps reeling forward and there is only light projected onto the screen.  This is what life could be if we stopped for a moment…just pure light.

In Transit...

There is something that happens to time when you travel. It sort of becomes irrelevant.  Surreal even, with all the time zones we sort of “float” through from one to the next, existing.  Just breathing for a moment, in transit.  Accepting this state of being…I wish I could accept this to be the accurate state of existence, its in that moment that the truth lies. 

I am chasing after shadows holding onto impermanence like sand; it slips through my fingers leaving dusty remnants of once what was – such is time, a desert with mirages that keep us drudging forward the hope of some new acquisition some new pleasure only to fade, luxurious castles of sand, with one gust of the almighty wind, it is swept away, engulfed into a drifting tide.. part of the story of another dune…impermanent in all its glory and experience…fleeting

And yet we hold on? Because we are seeking permanence we are seeking the truth something to hold on to something to hold on to us lest we drift away and disappear – but disappearance is inevitable….acceptance is what we need to work toward….its what I need to work toward. Acceptance of this state of impermanence in which we currently exist…

But the question is then do we really exist if all we know is impermanence? Changing, temporary, not ours to own to have forever…what is forever? A false promise of time….

A Candy shop...

I am that child, that child we have all seen.  The one who doesn’t want to leave the toy store, who only wants a particular toy.  The child whose parents negotiate and plead and eventually steal her away from the store forcefully.  We have been painful witnesses to these scenes thinking “Why can’t she just have the one toy?”

The child is then taken to a candy store and then begs and pleads to have only a specific type of sweet the kind that would rot her teeth.  She cries and cries for this specific sweet, negotiates pleads prays to parent Gods but to no avail.  The parents then forcefully take her away and out from the store

…this is my condition…this is our condition we hold on and on…and when the mirages slip away we wonder why?