Friday, July 13, 2012


This word came to me today.  At the very moment I decided not to stew over the angry waitress at Le Pain Quotiden on 18th and 7th ave. The moment I decided not to indulge in Channel Hatred, Resentment and Anger at the woman who was rude to me when I asked about why I hadn't been served.  The exact moment when I decided not to indulge any longer in thoughts of being the victim of this awful attitude, wondering if I had done anything to deserve it.

The Fact is, that we just need to have compassion towards eachother and ourselves.  I found that I often judge myself, judging is a little different from assessing, self reflecting.  Judging predisposing that you are not seperate from an action, that all actions are absolute, that we are not complex creatures, that we are not human full of "good" and "bad" that in fact there is no "good" and "bad".  Today I was reminded why I called my blog Anami, the nameless.  The nameless means no categories, no classifications, it means nothing in that NO THING, and by default ALL ENCOMPASSING.

I have somehow with the grace of the universe within me, turned on or activated this feeling of compassion.  I feel it radiating, spreading, like the sunrise's dawn rays of light slowly filling me up.  I feel compassion toward that woman on 18th street and 7th avenue.  I thank her for creating a circumstance where I could learn.  I feel compassion towards myself, for my ego that is still very much pressent, I accept that is there, and I do not judge it, I observe it in all its "glory". 

And this will be my attitude, my outlook, the lense at which I see people and this life as I set forth back into the world after I finish this posting.  It makes the circumstances we are faced with that much more trivial? I'm not sure if thats the right word, but I know that is how the universe is with us, compassionate of all our actions.  Often when another is suffering within, they know nothing else then to take it out on a another and so a rippling set of actions, i.e. reactions are created.  But we can be that rock, where that wave, chain of waved reactions can crash up against, making us softer smoother, but a rock none the less and unwavering in our compassion.

I recently did a healing meditation and I truly believe it is releasing so much of the negativity that was never useful to me, just garbage stuck in my heart, blocking me from loving truly unconditionally and in unattached manner. But I am learning.  We are all a work in progress, and we must accept that about OURSELVES, AND OTHERS. I found myself judging others and EXPECTING that they would judge me? How does that work?

There is so much in my heart right now, so many words, emotions that cannot be expressed, all that I can say is I am full, I am satisfied and content with observing this sense of compassion for all those around me and as a result myself.  We are not separate from one another, we are connected, through the unseen, revealed to some, and yet to be revealed to the others.  Just because you cannot see something doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

My life has changed drastically in these past almost two months.  And as I arrive on the eve of a two month anniversary I am thankful for my new circumstances, for the circumstances the universe made possible, it made room for me to pursue my dreams of entrepreneurship, of writing, and spiritual inquiry. And even if I "Fail" at all this, success is so relatives so subjective, success is not the point.  Its the pursuit, it is the pursuit of these things, with no result in mind that makes these pursuits so sweet. The ardent, sweet, loving, passionate pursuit.  

I know I said I'd do this 30 day challenge and write every day in my previous entries.  Well I didn't, I got to an average of about 3 days a week which I still am keeping up with.  The ironic thing is I think while just scratching the surface on that Journey of trying to find some inner peace through yoga, my heart opened up and well I couldn't lie to myself anymore.  The changes mentioned previously, were a direct result of my yoga practice, the realization of what I wanted and the need to pursue it all.  I learned to forgive myself and not judge those actions or "failures" as my mind would like to characterize them... And be open to the universes twists and turns.

I often think of the alchemist, it is a book that changed the course of my life at 23 and here I am at 28.  The slope of the line of my life was sharply changed that destined day in Bryant Park.  When I read the introduction of the Alchemist... it still changes everyday, to more accurate slope, the slope of my heart.  

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Day 2 - Flexibility, Acceptance & Perseverance

So I didn't quite make it to Yoga on Saturday. At first I was upset a the realization that my schedule was not going to permit me to allot the 2.5 hours that were needed. Life is about balance and doing justice to our priorities - on saturday it was my best friends engagement meet and greet as well as my startups first charity giveway.  Both are exciting, exhilarating and oh so important!

I made peace with what appeared to be a failure on my part as far as time managment at first, and realized that in order to be successful at any goal you need to be flexible. You need to acknowledge where you are, accept it and progress from there. Life happens and circumstances happen, so long as you keep your eyes on the approaching horizon, you are making directional progress.  Perhaps not the time, day, month or even year in which you would like to get to that horizon, but you will get there. Perseverance is the name of the game.

We set our sights on these ideas and goals, achivements we would like to realize but we forget, the road to get there is often, unpredictable, winding and unknown to us.  It is precisely when venturing into this unknown, that you need to be flexible. Change can be difficult, and if no adjustments are made to the changing environment on your road of change, change can be painful.

Think of the oceans and the waves that bring the tide in and out again - life is meant to be lived with that ease.  Flow on, flow forward and be happy :)

And of course in theory this all makes sense, in practice it is what unlocks higher wisdom; fruits that come from laborious effort.

Love, love, love. <3

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Day 1 - Sacrifice

So yesterday - was Day 1.  I was scheduled for you know the 6:30am 1.5 hour yoga class following a late Thursday night - BAD IDEA.

I had to be honest with myself in realizing, that a hangover and 1.5 hours of 105 degree heat was a recipe for disaster.  Mental discipline is a combination of being honest with yourself and knowing when your mind is just making excuses and let me tell you, that mind can be so damn convincing!  I felt fear tug me back while embarking upon this 60 day journey.  But what I realized, or rather remembered, you truly have to take it one day at a time, one moment at a time, you can't try to do it all at once. I can't take all 60 classes once! So one day, one class, one moment at a time...

I took the 6:30pm instead. I got there, I was ready, and boy did I sweat.  The point is that I made it, I had arrived, this wasn't going to be a just another commitment I blew off - I am tired of being unable to look at myself in the mirror stuck in a cycle of fear and shame. I am committed to the idea of bettering myself mentally, physically, and spiritually and I believe yoga will get me there.

As I sweltered in the heat, I was aware, or rather my mind made me fully aware of the fact that I couldn't do alot of the things I used to be able to do, that I was tight, tired, and out of sorts early on in class, but I was thankful for being there. Just showing up, is the least I could do, and I was there, attempting, making an effort, and fulfilling a commitment to myself.  I was slowly chiseling away at the sedentary block I have become, sedentary in so may ways, in ways that I cannot afford when going after my dreams.

I am sore today - and ecstatic that I am! In order to go after something important to you, you need to make room in your because it matters, its a priority.  I had to create room yesterday based on my schedule with work, the business, and seeing friends, and I will do that today and so on.  In order to persevere, you must SACRIFICE.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

There's always a guiding LIGHT!

It's time I exfoliate old habits and declutter this mind of mine. 

Rather than wallow in inability to take definitive action, I want to at least begin a journey that has been calling me time and again.  It is a single life line that has kept me grounded - FAITH.  Extended to me from the unknown, only to lead me back to it.

Starting tomorrow, I will commence a 60 day challenge of yoga practice for 1.5 hours everyday. I need these disciplined practice to do an inner and outter cleanse: Spiritiually, Emotionally, Mentally and Physically. I want to work on disciplining my mind, and letting go of patterns of thinking, feeling (and a few pounds) that are no longer useful to me especially at a time that I aspire to be better and rise above.
Day 1 is tomorrow and I can hardly wait. I promise to post each day a new revelation whilst on my road of self discovery. 

:) "who turned the lights on??"