(Written on September 3rd...up until now I was too scared, too ashamed to publish...soo much for that! *poof*)
I am sort of in the middle of this idea, again an idea that’s been introduced by you know the elders that I am trying to try on for size to see if it makes sense you know.
For starters the lights have been turned on and I’ve realized I’ve been the one who’s in the dark…imagine that..me the introspective "so in touch with myself"..self.
Its hard or rather its, I’m finding this difficult. Really looking at myself and figuring this out. So I’ve had bed bugs, yes the age old “city” problem and its forced me to examine quite a bit aside from clothes and the apartment and where they f’ing came from: My mind, the power of my thinking that is to say my perspective and most of all my attachment to my worldly possessions I’ve come to hoard over my financially prosperous years.
I have, or rather…currently, in the present at this very moment, I take things for granted! Surprise, surprise..I thought I was this virtuous, saint who was not used to a certain kind of cushy lifestyle. And yes while I was the one who affordeds myself with this lifestyle, I suppose the ease with which I was able to do so, I somwhere along the way started to just take it all for granted, as an expectation, rather than a privilege or something to be gratuitous for…
This is just a minor revelation of the major ones that I’m sure are to follow from my shattering cushy world I have designed. Yes, yes I see the cosmic reason for all this, yadda yadda…It seems I descended down to the material plane of life and became very very comfortable…
“See what happens when you stop paying attention for a bit?”
What amazes me is the level of my attachment to my physical appearance, to the textiles and metals with which I adorn myself with…and truly adorn myself. I’ve come to worship myself, become full of myself…
The remedy to this vanity that I’ve been lugging around that has manifested itself into “stuff” that I “deserve”…INTROSPECTION plenty plenty kind of it like water ;)
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